


Skipped a Beat

by Hibanai



Series: Once Wild Things [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boarding School, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Heartbreak, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibanai/pseuds/Hibanai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's platonic in the way that Pluto was once a planet then just wasn't.</p><p>Tony Stark and Q have always been a thing, but not a <i>thing</i> and Steve Rogers changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skipped a Beat

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sort of prequel to Too Shy To Say Hi (Alternatively, I Would Build A Bomb For You).  
> Un beta'd. (But I would really love to change that.)

6.

Tony is only fifteen, but he’s had a lot of kisses. He’s taken a lot of firsts too, but he’s never the last; he flits from person to person, collecting kisses like postcards. It’s not that he has wanderlust: he knows that no matter where he goes it's only the scenery that changes (the sky always remains the same). Q is made of stardust and will always be Tony's North Star, his way home, no matter where Tony goes, but he can never know Tony feels that way. So Tony keeps moving, hoping Q never will. It's not too hard to hide his feelings. After all, stars are light years away from where he stands. They're oblivious to what's happening on Earth, caught up in greater things.

 

24.

Steve does not trip head over heels the first time he sees Tony. (But he might as well have.) Looking back, he could say that he’s not sure why Tony caught his eye and not Q, but that would be a lie. 

Steve actually falls for Tony, despite the teen’s dark glares, because of Q. The first thing he sees when he nervously looks out at his new classmates is the two genius freshmen. There’s a gap between them and the other students as if there’s an invisible bubble around them. They look far younger, far more animated, than anyone else in the room. The two are just chatting amicably, but there’s something in their body language, in the way Tony looks at Q and Steve inexplicably finds himself wishing that Tony would look at him that way: as if –

 

XX. 

Tony can’t pinpoint when he fell in love with Q; it’s a bleary haze up until one day he wakes with the startling realization that his heart is no longer his. He panics for only a second before laying back against his pillows, smiling and thinking, _that’s fine_. Q wears his own heart on his sleeve so he needs one to beat in his chest anyways. He has plenty of room for Tony’s heart. Q would keep Tony's heart safe, locked behind too prominent ribs and pale skin.

 

57.

Tony remembers the day they kissed. It’s the one date he remembers. He can’t tell you when Christmas is, or even his own birthday, and Pepper always has to remind him when Steve’s birthday is coming up, but he will never forget the sixth of November.

They’d been just freshmen, lying on their beds in their dorm room. “Tony, I think I might be gay,” Q announced and Tony felt his hopes skyrocket faster than the Apollo 10, wondered if Q could feel his heart beating frantically in the hollows behind his ribs.

“Why do you say that?” Tony asks, the cracking of his voice disguising the way his words wobble and tremble and trip over themselves. For once, he’s thankful that puberty has been awful to his voicebox.

“I think I have a crush on Steve Rogers.”

Oh. “Oh.” His hopes leave him in a rush of breath so dashed that he’s sure his ribs concave a little too much because their constriction must be the reason why his chest feels so tight.

“I-It might be nothing, it’s not a big deal. Sorry I-“ Q mumbles like he only does when he’s presenting in front of people and extremely nervous and Q is never around this like Tony and Tony can’t stand to think that Q is lumping him with other people so he cuts him off mid apology.

“You could kiss me,” Tony offers and it’s not altruistic at all. But he can’t find it in himself to be sorry. “Then you would know.” Tony slides off his bed and plops himself onto the floor beside Q’s, palms sweaty and nerves trembling.

Q blinks down at him, emerald eyes impossibly wide and cheeks blazing red.

“No awkwardness, I promise.” Just unrequited love. 

Q nods and clambers down from his bed, all awkward limbs in his nervousness. He sits down, legs criss-crossed, and ducks his head, unable to hold Tony’s gaze. “Uhm.”

Tony pulls Q towards him and after that, well, the rest is a secret.

He’s selfish and this moment with Q is _his_. 

 

76\. 

Q nearly bursts from the joy that fills him when he gets Steve’s text. 

_Come to my room? I want to talk to you._

It’s almost sad how ten words can reduce him to a happy puddle of mush. He saves the text and leaps off his bed, scrambling to remember how to coordinate his limbs so he can make himself look presentable. 

He’s got his jeans halfway on when he realizes he forgot to text to Steve back. He hobbles towards his bed to grab his phone.

_Ya. I’ll be there in a few._

Q contemplates attaching a smiley, but eventually decides against it and sends.

“Hey, Q, are you okay?” Tony asks from his own bunk.

Q straightens up. “Ya. How do I look?” He asks, nervously trying to adjust his hair.

“Shirtless. Not a bad look on you, but I’m not sure if that’s what you’re aiming for.” Tony smirks. “I know that smile. You’re off to see Steve, aren’t you?”

Q digs through his drawers until he finds an acceptable shirt. “I know you hate him, but-“

“I don’t hate him. I just…” Tony trails off and sighs. “Have a good time.”

 

25\. 

In French class, the day Steve transfers in, the phrase of the day is _la douleur exquise_. Tony isn’t superstitious, but he can’t help but think that the world is telling him something because Q isn’t paying any attention to the Tony or work they’re supposed to be doing, as the gangly boy is busy being enraptured by Steve.

The worksheet asks him to define _la douleur exquise_ and use it in a sentence.

_La douleur exquise: The heart wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

Tony nearly snaps his pencil when Steve looks their way and Q blushes at the attention.

_Je sais que la douleus exquise. J’aime ma meilleure amie plus que je ne devrais._

_I know the exquisite pain. I love my best friend more than I should._

He's not sure why he writes it. Madame Nadine gives him a pitying glance when he turns it in. She hands it back with a freaking gold star sticker pasted at the top.

The next day she has them translating quotes by dead guys Tony has never heard of.

_“It is a risk to love._  
 _What if it doesn’t work out?_  
 _Ah, but what if it does.”_

Nope, the world isn’t trying to tell him anything: just Madame Nadine.

 

77\. 

Q’s first heartbreak is, much like the second, his fault entirely. Steve’s sidelong glances were never meant for him. The only reason Steve ever even returned Q’s attention was because of Tony. Steve has a crush on Tony and wants Q’s help. Steve is so caught up in Tony that he doesn’t realize that Q has a crush on him, and how sad is that? 

“But Tony hates you,” Q points out.

“I know. That’s why I _need_ you.” Steve is looking at him with big blue puppy eyes and it’s all Q can do to not break down then and there.

“Why should I help you? Tony is my best friend. I care more about his feelings than I do yours.” He sounds petulant even to his own ears. And he feels a little like a liar. He’s been a crappy friend lately, constantly ditching Tony to pine after Steve.

“Because I’ll do everything in my power to make him happy,” Steve declares resolutely and oh. Q can do nothing but nod in the wake of Steve’s bold statement. “Does he have anyone he likes right now? Did he ever tell you why he hates me?”

Q shakes his head. “He doesn’t hate you. He just…he never told me exactly how he feels about you.” He and Tony haven’t talked much lately. “Or if he likes anyone.” Tony has been unusually quiet about his romantic conquests. In fact, Q thinks that Tony, in very un-Tony-like behavior, hasn’t had any hook ups lately.

It suddenly dawns on Q that Tony must have a crush on Steve. That would explain the lack of promiscuity. Tony is only pretending to dislike Steve for Q’s sake. Q swallows the lump in his throat as a wave of affection for Tony rushes over him. He’s going to make this right.

“Ya, I’ll help you.”

 

34\. 

Tony hates Steve Rogers. He hates the way Rogers suddenly sauntered into their lives, all studly senior and too friendly smiles. 

Q loves Steve Rogers. He fawns over Roger’s paintings and even cancels their weekly Friday movie nights – a tradition they’ve had for years – to watch Rogers play football. Honestly, Q doesn’t even know the rules of the game.

Tony wouldn’t be too worried about losing his best friend, but he’s seen the way Steve looks at Q. Steve is always staring at Q, though the senior always blushes and looks away whenever Tony catches him. Steve is far too friendly towards Q.

And if Tony thinks Q is a star then Q looks at Steve like he’s the sun, shining so brightly that Tony can’t see starlight no matter hard he squints. In other words, Steve is a dick, one whose gravitational pull is threatening to collapse Tony’s universe.

 

89\. 

Steve and Tony don’t get together, so much as they collide like particles in the Tevatron. One day they’re Steve and Tony, Tony aiming a blowtorch at Steve's head and nonsensically screaming about stars or something, the next they’re Tony _and_ Steve, Tony leaning into Steve as if there’s no other place where he belongs. They still fight with each other all the time, but Tony starts eating regular meals and stops going to stupid senior parties where he'd always get drunk then wake up in a bed that isn't his own. It's pretty much all the proof Q needs to be okay with their relationship. Steve starts getting recognition for his art and practically singlehandedly turns the school's football team's losing streak into a winning streak, so there's that too: Tony and Steve are kind of stupidly perfect for each other, even if Tony refuses to admit it.

At first Q feels left out and behind, but Steve includes him in everything short of their make out sessions. More importantly, Q knows that no matter happens, Tony will always be his in a way. Because even though Tony is now Tony and Steve, Tony is still the best friend that wraps around Q like a cocoon when Q crawls into his bed at night, patiently protecting and waiting until Q is ready to break for freedom.

(Evolution may have left Q with the DNA segments of winged creatures, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever fly.)

 

103\. 

Tony learns in astronomy class that sometimes the stars he sees in the sky aren’t really there. He’s only seeing them as they once were because he’s too far away to tell the difference. It’s just starlight; the stars are already dead, winked out of existence. There’s no sound in space so their deaths don’t even make a sound. They could disappear - they do disappear – without anyone noticing.

And this isn’t French class. There’s no Madame Nadine or knowing looks and-

And for some reason, this wisdom makes him feel despondent and when Steve asks him what’s wrong, he can’t find the words to say.

 

99\. 

Everything is perfect. Tony and Steve are dating and Q no longer feels like a third wheel because he has Alec Trevelyan.

Steve graduates and gives Tony his class ring. It’s a little lonely for Tony, but Steve goes to a local collage so he still visits and the four of them hang out like old times and they’re all so ridiculously wrapped up in each other they might as well be flies in a spider’s web except without the spider. Sure, it’s chaos, but it’s the good kind.

 

96\. 

Sometimes, when Steve watches Q cling to Tony he can’t help but feel jealous. But these days, it’s getting harder and harder to tell who he is jealous of. Then Alec comes along and it’s no longer a problem he has to worry about. Tony goes back to being every color Steve paints, the lines that he etches, and the reason for the bruises on his knees.

 

214\. 

Steve isn’t there the second time Q gets his heart broken. (Though at first he thinks it's the first time and in comparison, the first time is more a light bruise than a break.) He gets a phone call of chocked off sobs and inconsolable cries and he thinks a part of him dies even though he isn’t sure what happened.

It’s too late to take the train and Steve doesn’t think. He just runs.

 

215\. 

Tony is laying on his back, Q nuzzling his neck in his sleep and Steve’s arm draped over Q so it rests on Tony’s heart. 

Q exhausted himself from crying, Steve from his seven mile sprint here. Tony, Tony is just…wondering if Steve can feel if Tony’s heart is still beating. It feels so still. Maybe because time feels so slow and reality so unreal.

One day things had been right: Steve aced his midterms, Tony built himself an AI, and Q lost his virginity to someone he loved. Then out of nowhere Alec had-

Saying Alec had dumped Q is far too kind. Alec had eviscerated Q, barely stopping short of literally ripping his lover’s heart into pieces. As it is, Q will probably never again wear his heart on his sleeve and Tony mourns for his best friend and the lost innocence, the lost everything. Never did Tony ever think Q would suffer the backlash of someone’s lack of love. 

Because how could someone ever not love Q? Q is perfect, the sweetest person alive, beating even Steve, he gives the best hugs and always wants to give them except most people don’t know this because he’s shy and for some reason scared that they’ll be offended that he’s violating their personal space, he has floppy hair that sometimes falls in front of giant green puppy eyes that look at everything in wonder, and – 

Tony wishes that his physical heart was not just Q’s metaphorically, but literally. It’s been a long time since Tony gave his metaphorical heart away and they’ve both loved others now, but Tony doesn’t think his heart will ever be free. At least if the organ was literally Q’s, then Tony could lock Q’s heart away where it would be safe. Sure, it wouldn’t beat, it wouldn’t _be_ , but it would never break.

(And if it metaphorically literally physically doesn’t make any sense at all, Tony doesn’t care. It doesn't have to.)

 

221\. 

In art class they make pottery. Q, clumsy as always and not paying a bit of attention, drops his creation on the floor, where it shatters into about a billion pieces. The teacher has Q pick up them up, explains that there's this process called kintsukuroi that’s used to repair pottery. Q looks at the teacher like she’s crazy because he’s practically holding dust particles and there’s no way they can be made into something even remotely resembling the teacup they used to be. 

Kaori-sensei smiles and takes the pieces from his hands then dismisses class. She asks Q to stay after, so of course Tony does too. She takes the pieces that were too fine to use and mixes them into silver lacquer. They watch as she weaves the shattered pieces together with the lacquer until Q’s teacup is whole again. Better, even. When it’s done, she hands the cup to Q, wrapping her delicate hands around his to ensure he has a good grip on it before she lets go. “I think it’s more appealing, more special, having been broken. That’s the beauty of kintsukuroi. All you need is a good potter.” 

Q nods, a little in awe, running his fingers over the smooth sides of the cup where gaping cracks should be. He never notices that she was looking at Tony the whole time.

 

240\. 

Steve can see the want in Q’s eyes. He can hear it in the shifting of fabric whenever Tony curls a little closer to the mop-headed boy. He can feel it thrumming underneath the lines of his own skin. 

And all this want, it’s nothing compared to the way Steve needs Tony, but, Q needs Tony too -not in the way Tony needs Q, but in the way drowning man needs something to pull him to the surface and air to breathe. And how could Steve ever deny Q when Q is the reason they got together? Steve is selfish and easily jealous and this might lost him everything, but this is Q. Desperate, fragile Q.

“I don’t mind,” Steve tells them, awkwardly shuffling on his feet as they stare at him from their vantage point on Tony’s bed. “If you kiss that is. Or get together. I mean-“ 

“You too,” Tony commands, his words overlapping with Q’s squawk of confusion. Q blushes bright and opens his mouth - probably to protest - but Tony kisses him before he can say a word.

Despite Tony’s demand, Steve just observes as they kiss like basorexics and it hits him _like a wrecking ball_ that he’s a little in love with Q too. How could he not be, when Q trusts them like a cat trusts its balance, like Steve and Tony are an integral part of him? While the rest of the world is closed-off and fearful, Q is, has always been, so open to them that he might as well be giving them his soul.

It’s part of the reason why Alec’s words hurt Q so much: Q is raw emotions all defenseless. But even so, Steve is glad Q is this way (Steve is selfish) and ridiculously thankful for the miracle that Q can still be so easy, so at peace with them, like this even after what Alec did.

 

253.

The first time goes terribly. It’s awkward and fumbling and nowhere near as good as making out is. There are too many limbs and not enough knowledge or confidence. The plan is to do over Q’s virginity with good memories, but it doesn’t work out because it reminds Q of Alec too much so they bust out the alcohol to loosen up just a little. They’d call it quits except they’re horny and they desperately want to get it over with – as if that’s a goal to reach and it’ll repair their psyches – and they can blame the alcohol even though it’s such a stupid excuse, but they’re teenagers and they end up jerking each other off and it’s far too impersonal and it doesn’t feel right and all but it gets the job done. Badly. In the end, they’re no longer horny and the room smells like sex, alcohol, and shame. Tony wants to throw up and the nausea has nothing to do with the contents of his stomach. 

They all agree to forget it ever happened. Erasing something from his mind isn’t hard, but smoothing out the scars in their hearts is another story entirely. It should be the same: that the heart controls feelings is metaphorical. It’s all in their heads. But for some reason, it doesn’t work that way. It’s complicated, like most things involving love.

Looking back, a second after, Tony wishes they’d never done it. He’ll forever remember the way Q had flinched away from their touch, Q’s irrational fear that they would disappear if he let them see this beautiful part of him. And Q, god knows what Q will remember of this. Miracles might exist, but it seems they’re not that kind of lucky.

 

246.

Q and Tony were always Q _and_ Tony, but it’s apparent now more than ever. They’re always touching, hands brushing or knees bumping when they’re out in public. When they’re alone, Q is always curled up against Tony – like he used to with Alec – which inevitably turns into making out with Tony. Steve doesn’t mind, because it makes them feel better and besides, just-kissed looks good on them. Also, they always include him even when he’s not there.

He’s learned to not check his phone in public.

 

255\. 

It becomes obvious that things would never work out. More accurately, it was always obvious, but they’re stupid reckless teenagers who thought themselves invincible, if not each other. Q needs someone who needs only him and somewhere along the way Tony started needing Steve.

Q and Tony go back to being just best friends, inventing things that explode in lieu of exploring the feeling of friction between their lips, trading code instead of quiet declarations and silly promises. (Sometimes Tony isn't sure if anything has really changed.) 

 

272\. 

They graduate. The Russian teacher, Mr. Zhenya, someone that neither Tony nor Q knows, gives a ridiculous speech. Tony doesn’t really pay attention until the end. 

“Fairy tales aren’t real not because they have dragons, but because they say dragons can be defeated.”

He turns to Q. _Is this guy crazy or what?_ Q smiles in agreement.

“But remember. You’ll never find magic if you don’t seek it. When you’re at the end of the rope, you'll want to be able to say you at least tried.”

Tony shrugs because the guy kind of has a point, but Q doesn’t concede.

“I don’t care if you go out and change the world. In fact, I shudder at the thought.” There are a few half-hearted laughs and some people shoot looks Tony and Q’s way. “I just want to see you be brave.”

Q rolls his eyes, but his hand squeezes Tony’s a little tighter.

“Makes you wonder if we ever really learned anything in this place,” Q murmurs.

“Well, we get a pretty piece of paper saying we did either way.” But as Tony says it he looks up at Madame Nadine, who somehow senses his stare and winks, and he kind of thinks he has. 

 

248.

“Why Q?” Steve asks one lazy weekend, weaving his fingers through his boyfriend’s tangled hair.

“Hm?”

“Your name,” Steve clarifies. Tony raises his head in interest, eyes meeting Steve’s over Q.

“It was Tony’s favorite letter when we were kids.” Q sounds so matter-of-fact about it that Steve wonders if Q really doesn’t realize the gravity of his statement.

“Still is. Always will be,” Tony chimes.

\--------

_Did you ever stop_  
 _And think that maybe the stars_  
 _Are gazing at you?_

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please please comment!  
> French translations were taken from google.


End file.
